What ridiculous and untrue, yet slightly plausible, theories can you come up with for the cause of common ailments like headaches or cavities?

[killamch89]

Use your imagination for this one - we really want some wild ones.

[Reality vs Adventure]

Headaches- use leaches on your head to relieve the blood pressure

Headaches- Inhaling helium balloons can relieve the pressure

Headaches- Suck on peppermints upside down to clear your head

Headaches- Magnetic necklace to increase blood flow-might even be real

Headaches- choker necklace to keep the blood in the lower body

Headaches- Stick head in bucket of mosquitos as itching releases chemicals to stop pain

Coughing- Inhale gasoline to kill viruses

Coughing- Deep throating objects stops the gag reflex that induces cough

Coughing- Back exercises to build diaphragm muscles

Cavities- Well, they've already used mercury for that

Penile dysfunction- Anal air injection inflates penis muscle

Penile dysfunction- Wrap in bug zappers to stimulate nerves

Infertility- Eat 3 eggs a day between menstrual cycle

Hair loss- Cleanse with red wine as polyphenols regenerates follicles

Hair loss- Grow the hair out and put in ponytail to pull scalp muscles closer to the follicles

 

[The Blackangel]

Cold - building snowmen causes a cold because they're cold and they want you to be cold.

Hemorrhoids - Gum that you swallowed as a child that has grown into the skin. You were warned that gum never comes out.

Dizziness - The earth is spinning too fast.

Me - The universe decided to give the world a big FUCK YOU!

[Reality vs Adventure]

Oh I see, you want what CAUSED ailments, not cures

Chickenpox- sex with featherless dead chicken

Headache- lack of sushi in diet which coats brain nerves with massage fish oil

Cough- the wind is contaminated with space dust

Gas- bubbles in milk

Toothache- bacteria colonies are at war with each other

Pink eye- vagina spiders

Sore throat- brain stem sinking from weight due to barometric pressure

High blood pressure= body hair is clogging arteries

Diarrhea- intestinal cells having menstruation 

[killamch89]

Headache - bungie jumping but the cord snapped hitting their head pretty hard in the process.

Pink eye - semen shot gone astray, gets in the eye and it turns out the guy has Gonorrhea.

Toothache - trying to eat Popeye's biscuits - turns out the ingredients are the same as a cinder block

Gas - trying to suck up more soda through a straw out of an empty cup because they wanted to savor every last drop.

[Reality vs Adventure]

Bad breath- intestinal gas vacuumed through esophagus due to hot air being less dense and rises upwards

Ear ache- wax is trapping steam each time you get angry

Runny nose- waste from brain worms

Dandruff- too much fermentation in the body causing alcohols to dry skin

Acne- increased temperature causes miniature volcanic like eruptions on skin, releases white fire retardant substance

Stomach ache- stomach acid breaks down protein into sulfuric acid and reacts with water to boil and splash inside stomach

Joint pain- the rubbing of bone creates fire that burns the nerves

 

 

[killamch89]

9 hours ago, Reality vs Adventure said:

Bad breath- intestinal gas vacuumed through esophagus due to hot air being less dense and rises upwards

Ear ache- wax is trapping steam each time you get angry

Runny nose- waste from brain worms

Dandruff- too much fermentation in the body causing alcohols to dry skin

Acne- increased temperature causes miniature volcanic like eruptions on skin, releases white fire retardant substance

Stomach ache- stomach acid breaks down protein into sulfuric acid and reacts with water to boil and splash inside stomach

Joint pain- the rubbing of bone creates fire that burns the nerves

 

 

The joint pain one made me spit out my soda just now 🤣🤣🤣💀

[Reality vs Adventure]

Insomnia- eyes need open air to cool them 

Carpal tunnel- the brain/hand puppet network broke strings

Diabetes- all the sugar rots in the crack

Foot odor- natural ability to prevent feet licking

Common cold- body is going through an insect’s spirit possession

Fever- the need to hoard something

Anxiety- pooped your pants and trying to hide it

[killamch89]

19 hours ago, Reality vs Adventure said:

Insomnia- eyes need open air to cool them 

Carpal tunnel- the brain/hand puppet network broke strings

Diabetes- all the sugar rots in the crack

Foot odor- natural ability to prevent feet licking

Common cold- body is going through an insect’s spirit possession

Fever- the need to hoard something

Anxiety- pooped your pants and trying to hide it

To be fair, I'd have had anxiety if I did poop my pants in public 🤣🤣🤣

[Reality vs Adventure]

Hair loss-UV radiation

Excessive sweating- The air has more salt than your body and pulls your fluids out

Yeast infection- body trying to produce alcohol on fridays

Genital warts- too many fist bumps

Hairy ass- wiping ass on the bush

Shortness of breath- The oxygen is higher up then you

 

[killamch89]

On 7/8/2021 at 10:23 PM, Reality vs Adventure said:

Hair loss-UV radiation

Excessive sweating- The air has more salt than your body and pulls your fluids out

Yeast infection- body trying to produce alcohol on fridays

Genital warts- too many fist bumps

Hairy ass- wiping ass on the bush

Shortness of breath- The oxygen is higher up then you

 

To be fair, excessive UV radiation has been shown to cause hair loss but the genital warts one is hilarious!