The Blackangel

Fuck social media. I don't use it anyway, so obviously I can definitely do without it. It's nothing but an internet-wide virus anyway. So many people are so obsessed with their numbers that it's sickening. Check this out:

If I could, I would spend every moment of every day and night outside.

Not a whole lot to be honest. I'll list them below as I think of them. 1.) Honesty 2.) Trustworthy 3.) Intelligent 4.) Someone I'm attracted to physically 5.) Someone who doesn't attempt to "change/fix" me 6.) Open Minded 7.) Democrat 8.) Animal Lover 9.) Not prejudice unless they have a DAMN GOOD REASON 10.) Willing to put up with me and all my baggage (I have a lot) Hopefully they would be a gamer, but it's not a deal breaker for me. But those are the only things I can think of at the moment. Odd how it's a list of 10, but it is what it is.

I sleep on my side, so if I went without pillows, or something to hold my head up, my neck would be craning downward, and everything would be completely out of alignment. Also, I have slept without pillows before. I did it for years, because I just didn't have anything to hold my head up. The back and neck pain I had was so severe that I couldn't walk, and was barely able to even sit up. Whether it's pillows, a wood log, or your pitbull, you need something to hold your head up and maintain that alignment.

It looks like it's a jacked up "2012" drawn by a crackhead graffiti vandal. Someone was high as hell when they came up with this. It took me several minutes to figure out just what the hell I was looking at, and be able to read it.

Not housebreaking their dogs, and not cleaning up the dogs shit off the floor.

This should restore everyone's faith in humanity. (note the sarcasm)

I assume disability counts as salary, so that's my choice because that would mean I would get $3,000 every month. Seeing as how much money that is, I would never have to worry about money again, and could easily save up for things I need within a year, like a new disability van. So $36,000 per year? VERY comfortable cash flow.

I'd choose the panda as well. For several reasons, not least of all being that koalas tend to have chlamydia.

Unfortunately, I'm a spender. I have horrible money management habits. I'm also an emotional shopper. When I'm extremely depressed or torn up about something, I tend to shop online and buy shit I don't need, or in the long run, don't even want. Hell this month, I bought a new .380 that I honestly didn't need. I bought it because it was cheap, and because it's laser sighted. It makes it easier to ask a republiKKKlan if he wants it in his left nut or his right nut when he decides to start shit. And since I'm volunteering at the Democratic booth at the county fair this weekend, I need something easy to hide, but easy to use. I just know some Qanon bastard is going to try to start shit.

I started crying watching this video. There is nothing ore beautiful on this earth than nonhuman life.

At the St. Louis zoo, they have 4" thick bulletproof glass that is bolted in at 2" intervals with 6" bolts at ground level where you can get face to face with a gorilla if it wants to come over. They had to upgrade it to that extreme, because several years earlier when they had typical bulletproof glass, the a male silverback punched it in front of a group of kindergartners and broke it. It was cracked all over and he almost broke through. They rushed the kids out of there, and got him into an indoor enclosure out of the public eye. They never figured out why he did it, but they upgraded the entire enclosure, not just that viewing spot. But that spot is where they decided to go as extreme as they could, not only for public safety, but for the gorillas safety. I'm sure those tranquilizer darts don't feel very good.

I know exactly what those people in the video are feeling. I was at the KC zoo several years ago, and could only view a tiny portion of it. They have this wood link pedestrian bridge (video below) and 5' out onto it I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life. I don't know the exact number, but it took probably more than a dozen people to pry me off one of the supports and get me back onto solid land and away from the damn thing. Some people got zoo employees, others tried to calm me down, some got water. Or at least that's what I'm told. I don't remember much. For more reasons than one, but due to my fear of heights, I'm thinking that it was traumatic enough for my mind that my mind blocked it out.

After 20+ years of that being your core diet, it tends to get old and you start craving a hot meal that doesn't come frozen or from a god damn can.

I remember playing pool on Yahoo! with mystery random people.

As pussywhipped as the world is right now, Hollywood would make it child friendly.

I put "nontoxic" in the title because I can already see people considering things like nuclear waste or acid in this. For me, I think I would have to go with drinking the mystery liquid. I think that would be easier for me to handle than some mystery food.

It depends on the zoo. If we're talking about the St. Louis zoo (nearest one to me) then it's probably the bald eagles. I've been to it a million times and always spend a ton of time watching them. But for an exotic animal, or a more rare one at least, it would probably be the gorillas. The raw power of a single creature is something that boggles the mind. Something I find ironic is that people tend to associate hair on mans chest with strength. The gorilla is the strongest of all bipeds and has hair on every part of its body except its chest. If we're talking about the San Diego zoo, then it's definitely the pandas. It's the only zoo in America that the Chinese have allowed to have pandas, and it's an amazing exhibit. I just wish I knew where my pictures were form the last time I was there.

Love doesn't actually exist in reality. People will betray you sooner or later. "Loving" someone is a fools errand. As for "family", they are the first ones who will use, abuse, and betray you. The only person we have in our lives is ourselves. But I don't even love or trust myself, so that's a moot point. As for your thoughts about me personally all I have to say is this: Whether or not I am evil should not be the concern. Whether or not I show you, should be.

I'm paranoid and tend to react violently to a surprise. I hate them. Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.

If I have a new one, then I use one pillow. But when it flattens out, depending on how flat it has gotten I'll use 2-3 pillows. I need to keep my head and neck in direct alignment with my spine, or I have extra neck and back pain the following day.