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A man stands in line at a liquor store. He says "I've had enough. Save My place. I'm going to shoot Trump."
2 Hours later he returns to reclaim his place in line. His friend asks, "Did you get him?"
To which he replied "No. The line there was even longer than the line here."


A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork."
The robot slaps the son. The son says, “Okay. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son again. Son says, “Okay, we were watching Stormy Daniels movies."
Dad says," What? At your age I didn't even know what dirty movies were." The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.


A politician dies. Instead of going straight to heaven or hell, a spirit appears to him.
The spirit tells him that, rather than being judged for his sins, he gets to choose whether he goes to heaven or hell.
The politician replies that of course he wants to go to heaven. The spirit tells him that before he chooses, he has to visit both places so each one will get a fair chance.
First they visit heaven. It looks pretty nice. Big fluffy clouds, angels singing and playing harps, everyone seeming to enjoy themselves. The politician is pleased, if a bit underwhelmed.
Hell, on the other hand, is magnificent. It’s the most beautiful place the politician has ever seen, and everyone there is having the time of their lives. It has a buffet table filled with delicious-smelling food, a beautiful garden, a pool with a water slide, a dance floor, a massage parlor, and innumerable other attractions. It makes heaven look dull and boring and comparison.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” says the politician, “but I think I’d rather go to hell!”
“Very well,” says the spirit. “Turn around.”
When the politician turns around, though, hell appears to be completely different than it had been less than a minute ago. All of the attractions are gone, everything is on fire, and the people are screaming in agony.
“I don’t understand!” cries the politician. “This isn’t what you showed me before!”
“Well, that was the campaign,” replies the spirit. “Now you’ve voted.”


Marjorie Taylor Greene having a seat in Congress, is like a Flat Earther having a job at NASA.


A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"
The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......

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A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran across each other one day. The rabbit said to the snake, “I was born blind and have no idea what animal I am. Will you feel me and tell me what I am?” The snake obliged. “You have long ears, long feet, warm blooded, and have a short fluffy tail. You must be a rabbit.” The snake then said to the rabbit, “I too was born blind and have no idea what animal I am. Can you feel me and tell me what I am?” The rabbit obliged. “You are scaly, have no legs, and cold blooded. You must be a lawyer.”

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